Horse Wisdom for the Holidays
Have you ever gotten that anxious feeling when planning to see your family for the holidays? Someone once said, "No matter how evolved you are all you have to do is go home for the holidays." So, are you excited to see family but worried about how you'll keep your
sanity when your father criticizes you or your mother
intrusively, tells
you how you should cook the ham, comments on your clothes, or asks when
you are going to have children?
While the holidays bring opportunities to reconnect with loved ones and share family traditions, stressful family dynamics can wreak havoc and be anything but joyful! So,
how do you keep from being pulled into the vortex of family drama and
old feelings? Of course there is no easy answer, but the natural wisdom of horses can help us learn to center ourselves and tap into our wisdom rather than becoming caught in the storm of anger, hurt, or shame.
As prey animals, horses are acutely aware of their environment and
quickly react to things that disrupt their sense of safety. When they
are faced with unexpected, unfamiliar obstacles or scary movements
such as a tarp flapping in the wind or tree
branch breaking, horses run
away. Then they stop, pause, and turn toward what intruded on
their safety. In this calmer state, they become curious and will actually walk over to see what it was that was so scary
- "Oh wow, it was only a tarp, I don't want anything to do with it, but I can go back to grazing." Now, of course, this isn't the
case with a predator. When something is that threatening, it is time to
run away and stay away.
Similarly, when we are faced with
an interaction that disrupts our sense of safety we need to listen to
our internal signals and get distance in order to gain perspective.
Definitely, if something is life threatening we need to run like hell. But often we humans do the same thing with emotional triggers and end up
in a place of shame, blame, or disconnection. Rather than continuing to
"run" in a place of reactivity, when we pause and calm down we are able to move into our highest adult level of functioning.
From this place we can be curious and see things and people for what
they are - " Wow, it's so hard that my dad doesn't know how to relate in
a loving, supportive way;" Or, "It's sad that my mother feels so lonely
and inadequate that she has to be overly involved and controlling in my
life." While we can't change others, when we change our reactions we
create a different dynamic and can avoid getting pulled into the
emotional storm.
Moving from reactivity to curiosity and thoughtful action takes practice and it helps to have a game plan. So, as you get ready for those holiday gatherings identify your triggers and make a plan for how you can get some distance and perspective.
Some helpful hints.
• Take deep breaths.
• Walk into the other room and count to 10.
• Take a walk around the block.
• Be curious.
• Remind yourself of what you know about your loved one's emotional limitations.
• Consider what action you can take that will help you stay clear of the storm.
• Do more of what works and less of what doesn't.
Remember, shifting a lifetime of patterns takes time, so be gentle with yourself.
If you get stuck, just think, "What would the horses do?"
