Sarah's Story
We saw her take a deep breath, her eyes began to fill with tears and she said, “I am ready now” - for the first time she looked into the white mares eyes, stroked her neck and said “Thank You”.
A few months ago Sarah, a woman in her early forties, came to Stand InBalance because she realized that despite the previous therapy work she had done over the years, the trauma she had experienced as a child was still having a negative impact in her life. In order to survive the pain over the years, Sarah had cut off her ability to feel emotions, not just the painful emotions but all feelings, the good ones too. Because her career required her to stay in her head she was able to intellectualize but unable to truly “feel”.
Although skeptical at first, Sarah decided she would give this “horse thing” a try. She reported suffering from stomachaches, neck and back pain, and had headaches almost every evening. She also mentioned that she wanted to be able to laugh and cry again.
After meeting the herd, Sarah chose to work with a white mare - she described choosing her “because she is strong, graceful, a leader, she takes care of others… but doesn’t take crap from anyone”.
In the exercises with the horses, the arena becomes a metaphor for life, a playground to experiment with things one would like to work on in daily existence.
For Sarah walking with the mare this first session was a metaphor of her relationship with herself. At first, the mare would not move – she was stuck in place, as Sarah was stuck in her life. This was very frustrating for Sarah and with our help she was able to explore this through her body and the way she carried herself and her tension.
She also mentioned she felt like a failure because she could not even get this “damn horse to walk”. After some exploration of these feelings and the way they lived in her body, Sarah’s energy shifted and she set the intention to walk toward a spot she had chosen as the beginning of her journey back to her “self.” The final piece was her commitment. Was she committed to embarking on this journey and opening a new chapter of her life? She said “If I don’t do something now, I will be stuck here forever”. She took a few deep belly breaths, set her eyes across the arena to the spot she had designated and her and the white mare walked in a rhythmic motion all the way to that spot, without looking back.
When she arrived at the spot, we saw her take a deep breath, her eyes began to fill with tears and she said, “I am ready now” - for the first time she looked into the white mares eyes, stroked her neck and said “Thank You”.
Over the weeks at Stand InBalance Sarah was able to go to the parts of her body that were causing her pain, then go deeper into her inner world, find, name and feel, the emotion that was causing her physical symptoms. She began to cultivate embodied mindfulness. When asked who or what the horse symbolized for her, she said “freedom… and she is me. I no longer feel caged within my self… she has taught me to feel, and now I am free, to feel and to live more fully”.
In these moments our team will look at each other, the goose bumps rise on our arms and even we are amazed. Even we who love and believe in the power horses have for healing, can not help but be continually astonished at the effect the horses have on the human mind and body.
